


Up on the Housetop

by maracopland



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Spideypool - Freeform, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-29
Updated: 2017-03-29
Packaged: 2018-10-12 10:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10488945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maracopland/pseuds/maracopland
Summary: "I'm just a boy standing on the top of the apartment building across from another boy, asking that boy to go out on a date with him." Yes, friends, it is I, Wade 'Romeo without the teen suicide' Wilson. Who could possibly ask for anything more?





	

**Author's Note:**

> So this is written for a friend of mine - it's a little late (I'd planned to give it to her for Christmas) but ... well, I'm early for next Christmas.
> 
> I'm still getting my Wade hat on. Be gentle.

_New York. The city that never sleeps. Though the innocent may rest in comfort, the dirtbags are prowling all over looking for their next score._

**You’re wide awake, Wade. What does that make you?**

_A protector of the innocent._

Didn’t you feed a man his own spine the other day?

_That’s not the point. I’m here to watch out for criminals._

**You’re here to spy on Spiderman.**

Deadpool cleared his throat and stood, guiltily looking away from the apartment window. “He’s got a sweet innocent, still totally hot Aunt in there. What if something happened to her because her nephew is Spiderman? Surely I could be there to save her.”

**At two in the morning?**

“Crime doesn’t have a bedtime, my friend.”

“...who are you talking to? And why have you been here every night for the last week?”

Wade let out a sound somewhat resembling a shriek and turned, nailing his ankle on the ledge of the old building. “Son of a b--uh.. Heeey, Spidey. I, uh… didn’t hear you show up. Pretty sneaky, sis.”

Even with the mask on, it was pretty obvious that Peter was rocking a healthy mix of bewilderment and annoyance. “How did you find out who I am?”

He waved a hand dismissively. “Oh, it’s not hard. I mean, all you have to do is look at the back issu--- uh. I mean, Green Goblin got tanked on cheap tequila one night and, well, put two and two together.. “

**Nice save. I’m sure he doesn’t suspect a thing.**

“So, what - you’re here to throw your weight around as the new villain in the area? I know who you are, Deadpool. Nothing good comes of you being here. Anywhere. “

He frowned. “Words can hurt, you know. I was just here because I wanted to talk to you. I thought, uh.. Oh! Shit. Hang on.” He grabbed the bag he’d brought with him and started to rifle through it, muttering under his breath. “...god, how long has _that_ been in there? Never mind. Aha. Here.” Wade pulled out a tied bouquet of daisies that were approximately 32% still together. Some of the petals had fallen off completely. “And if you want to do the upside down kiss like with Kirsten Dunst, that’s okay too. Not on the first date, of course, but I’m old fashioned that way.”

Peter stared at him, unable to process anything that had come out of Deadpool’s mouth, or -- “...is that a human arm sticking out of that bag?”

“Uh, a forearm, yeah. Seems that way. It’s kind of a long story. You know, typical Wednesday night.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “After Survivor’s done, y’know, I just have all this energy to work off, and.. Well. That’s a story for another time.”

Finally, he seemed to click in and he put his head in his hands, letting out a long sigh. “Are you asking me out on a date? Have you been sitting on the top of this building watching me for a week because you’re asking me out on a date?”

“...maybe. And you know, the title doesn’t even make sense. I get that they were trying to be clever, but this isn’t even a housetop, and now I’m going to have that song stuck in my head all night.”

**Wade, focus. He didn’t say no yet, don’t show off all your crazy at once.**

There was a pause so long that Wade almost had the urge to interrupt, play it off like he was joking and find a way to jump off the building without breaking every bone in his body, but finally, Peter sighed.

“Fine. “

“I understand. It’s late, and the flowers got a little smooshed and there’s … probably some blood on them, and--”

“I said yes.”

“..You did?”

**He did.**

“Oh. Well, that’s great. I.. wasn’t expecting that, really. I thought.. Never mind what I thought, if we start on that tangent, we’ll be here all night, and _yooou_ have school in the morning.”

Peter started to wonder if he’d made a terrible mistake, but he had a feeling that going on a date with Deadpool would be nothing if not entertaining and like no date he’d ever been on, to say the very least. Besides, if things got out of hand, he was pretty sure he could web Deadpool to the side of a building and leave him there. “...pick me up at seven. In front of my apartment, not.. On the roof across the street.” 

“Excellent! I know a little Chinese place with some poor lighting that’ll be perfect for us to have a real romantic evening.” He picked up his bag and headed for the fire escape. “Tomorrow at seven, then!” Wade hopped off the fire escape from a little too high and landed with a cacophony of noises and curse words in the dumpster.

Peter was left on top of the apartment building listening to Wade’s angry ranting - was he still talking to himself? Like, actually having a full conversation with himself? - and finally just shook his head. Aunt May was probably wondering where he’d disappeared to, and now he had to find a way to explain the fact that he was going on a date with a man in a spandex suit instead of doing his English homework tomorrow. At least it wouldn’t be boring. How many people could say the same?


End file.
